Monday, April 17, 2017

long time no see!

Hey hey

So I've been really busy with school and stuff, as you can guess. College life isn't super easy. I've been working hard to get good grades.

Also, I've lost some weight! Probably around 10 pounds or so. I don't really feel thinner, but I feel more confident. I know I'm smaller since I measure myself with a tape measure, but I just don't feel it yet, you know?

I've been eating mostly plant based too! Two out of three New Year's resolutions out of the way 😁 I'm really happy about it. Now, about that third one...

I think I'll try to sing at an open mic when I go home over summer break! But we'll see. I'd almost rather do it down here in SoCal but I don't have my car and I'm just so focused on schoolwork that I think summer would be a better time. I'm afraid I'm subconsciously avoiding it because it scares me so much...but it's good to do things that scare you!

I have an exam in a few hours, another tomorrow, and a final paper due on Friday! So much work to do.

Talk to ya later,

NYE

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

birds of a feather...

Hey everyone!

I have a question. Are you and your best friend identical in the way you guys act? Are you total opposites? Or do you have a mix of similarities and differences between you? My best friend and I are almost the same person in a lot of ways and it's a bit much for me sometimes. I already can barely stand myself, so it's sometimes hard to stand someone who's just like me...you know what I'm saying? Maybe this is just my immaturity.

I remember having problems with a friend I was hanging out with over summer break when I was in middle school. We hung out for about a week straight, and I couldn't stand her. Everything she did was annoying me and I was being really mean to her because of it! She didn't deserve it obviously, she was just being normal. But I, for whatever reason, couldn't stand being around her...

Does anyone else feel like this? Please, leave your comments below. I'm curious.

Talk to you soon!

NYE

Thursday, February 2, 2017

heyyyy

Hey y'all!

What's up? Long time, no type. I've been busy with school. I really want straight A's this semester! I'm doing my best. Well, I guess not. I should be reading right now...but I've been doing school stuff all day...so I'll cut myself some slack. Maybe cutting myself slack is the reason I haven't been getting straight A's? Okay, let's stop the self-analysis.

School is going well. I like all my classes. They're all pretty intense, though. I'm also in a peer education program thing that takes up a ton of time, too. I'm trying to find balance between school, the program, my fitness, friends, and my own personal needs. It's been kind of difficult.

The concert I went to last week was incredible! Best concert I've ever been too (even better then Beyonce, honestly)! My friend and I were super close to the stage, I got to touch 6lack, and The Weeknd was there! My hand was, like, 5 inches from his. Awesome. Loved it. And the venue was beautiful, it was in the middle of LA...ugh. Dreamy.

I love living so close to LA, but I rarely get to go. I think I need to expand my social circle so that I get to do more cool stuff, you know? I love my friends but I also love adventure and they aren't really into that right now, I think. I have enough flexibility to do that and they don't. They'd have to give up stuff that I don't have to think about for the sake of fun, and I understand that they don't want to do that. I'm totally okay with it. It just means I have to find more people to do things with.

Have any of you dealt with that? Being ready for something that nobody else around you is quite ready for? Please, let me know. I've always felt like I was on a slightly different path than those around me...and I know where I want to walk, but I want others to walk with me as well. I know I don't need others, but I want them. Maybe it's time for me to become comfortable with walking alone? You know what, I think it is.

Any of you have thoughts? Let me know.

Can't wait to talk to you again soon!

NYE

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

escuela!

Hi everyone!

I'm back at college. I just finished my second first day of the semester (yesterday was the first day of my MW classes, today was the first day of the TTH classes, ya dig?). Most of professors seem really great! There's one guy that I kind of can't understand anything he says but he seems nice enough and he cracked a few jokes. The others (with the exception of the professor for my online class, who I actually had last semester as well) were all really funny! I'm looking forward to it.

Tonight I'm going to a concert! It's form 6LACK and it's in West Hollywood! I'm super excited. I just hope I'll be able to wake up in time for class tomorrow....but guess what? You only live once! So I'm gonna go to this concert and have a good time and deal with the consequences later. You can't do that for everything, but I will for this!

Okay, I have to go and get ready! I'll let y'all know how it goes :)

TTYL! (ew who says that lol)

NYE

Monday, January 16, 2017

remember what i said about chasing dreams?

Sooo you may or may not know that I have some singing videos on YouTube. Well, now you know for sure! I'm trying to do that chasing dreams thing. I still get a bit nervous singing just to the camera because I know I'll be sharing it...but after a little bit I can relax. I'm hoping that the practice of pushing through the nerves this way will help me eventually (hopefully soon) sing in front of people.

I have this thing called #TeamOneTake where I just turn on the camera, sing once, and then upload, mistakes and all. But I hated my first take so much that I just deleted it and started over. So this is more like #TeamTwoTakes :)

I sang Cranes in the Sky by Solange. Super beautiful song...I hope you like it!


Tuesday, January 10, 2017

get to know me questionnaire

Hey! So I want to do this 150-question little quiz (I would've said "questionnaire" but I felt like it would've been redundant to say "question" and then "questionnaire" right after, you now?). Maybe you can get to know me a little bit better.

1.Who was the last person you held hands with? - No idea, probably a friend
2. Are you outgoing or shy? - It's hard to pin me down, it's really 50/50 depending on how the wind blows that day
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? - My friend from college
4. Are you easy to get along with? - I think so
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? - No idea...
6. What kind of people are you attracted to? - People who make me laugh and feel comfortable. I've only met one person like that though :/
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? - Doubt it, dating isn't really my thing
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? - I kind of don't want to say!
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? - Not really
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? - I can't remember...probably my mom
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? - "Okay"
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? - I can't narrow it down! Just check my SoundCloud :)
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? Nah
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? - Nope
15. What good thing happened this summer? - I ate really healthy!
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? - Nooo
17. Do you think there is life on other planets? - Yeah!
18. Do you still talk to your first crush? - No! I didn't even talk to him when I knew him, back in elementary school
19. Do you like bubble baths? - Yup
20. Do you like your neighbors? - Just one house annoys me but the rest are fine
21. What are you bad habits? - Every time I mess up on the guitar I say "no" out loud...kinda weird but I'm trying to stop
22. Where would you like to travel? - Everywhere! I love people, I want to see everyone
23. Do you have trust issues? - Yeah. I thought they were normal but apparently not 
24. Favorite part of your daily routine? - Breakfast
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? - My legs
26. What do you do when you wake up? - Listen to the radio
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? - Neither. I just want it to all be the same!
28. Who are you most comfortable around? - My mom
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? - I don't have exes
30. Do you ever want to get married? - Yeah
31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? - Yes
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? - Wow
33. Spell your name with your chin. - I'm too lazy 
34. Do you play sports? What sports? - I swam in high school and I did various other sports before...I still enjoy swimming, basketball, and volleyball, but I don't do them regularly
35. Would you rather live without TV or music? - TV
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? - No way
37. What do you say during awkward silences? - Nothing. I don't find silence awkward. If the other person/people find it awkward that's their own personal problem 
38. Describe your dream girl/guy? - Someone who loves me as much as I love him
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? - Forever 21 (basic, I know), Topshop, thrift stores
40. What do you want to do after high school? - I'm already out of high school....but out of college I just want to do something that makes me happy
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? - Yes
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? - It means I have nothing to say, or I better keep my mouth shut so I don't get myself in trouble
43. Do you smile at strangers? - Yes
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? - Space I guess. Both are terrifying though
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? - I have to take care of my dog
46. What are you paranoid about? - People thinking I'm fat :/
47. Have you ever been high? - I'm not 21 sooooo
48. Have you ever been drunk? - see #47
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? - ...nothing?
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? - Black
51. Ever wished you were someone else? - Of course
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? - I wish I wasn't so anxious!
53. Favourite makeup brand? - No idea
54. Favourite store? - Walgreens
55. Favourite blog? - Manrepeller right now
56. Favourite colour? - Purple I guess...but I really love them all
57. Favourite food? - Cake
58. Last thing you ate? - peach slices
59. First thing you ate this morning? - I didn't eat until like 7pm but it was rice and vegan chili
60. Ever won a competition? For what? - Yeah, for who could jump the highest
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? - Nope
62. Been arrested? For what? - No
63. Ever been in love?  - No way
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? - It was a dare
65. Are you hungry right now? - Yes :(
66. Do you like your internet friends more than your real friends? - I don't have internet friends. Don't talk to strangers
67. Facebook or Twitter? - Twitter all day
68. Twitter or Instagram? - Hard choice...but Twitter
69. Are you watching tv right now? - No
70. Names of your bestfriends? - Let's not
71. Craving something? What? - yes, food
72. What colour are your towels? - They're all kinds of colors, other than green for some reason
72. How many pillows do you sleep with? - 3
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? - No
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? - 0
75. Favourite animal? - Dogs and tigers are tied
76. What colour is your underwear? - Black
77. Chocolate or Vanilla? - Vanilla
78. Favourite ice cream flavour? - Dolce de leche 
79. What colour shirt are you wearing? - White
80. What colour pants? - I'm not wearing any...
81. Favourite tv show? - The Office!
82. Favourite movie? - 101 Dalmatians
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? - Mean Girls
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? - 21 Jump Street
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? - I'm really not into it like that
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? - Never really seen it
87. First person you talked to today? - Mom
88. Last person you talked to today? - Madre :)
89. Name a person you hate? - I don't hate anyone
90. Name a person you love? - Everyone!
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? - No
92. In a fight with someone? - No
93. How many sweatpants do you have? - 2
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? - I can't even guess...
95. Last movie you watched? - I can't remember
96. Favourite actress? - I don't have one
97. Favourite actor? - See #96
98. Do you tan a lot? - I'm black, so...no
99. Have any pets? - Yes, a dog :) she's my baby
100. How are you feeling? - Hungry!
101. Do you type fast? - Kind of
102. Do you regret anything from your past? - Lots of things. But I just try to look forward
103. Can you spell well? - I think so, although I just misspelled "Dalmatians" and my computer autocorrected for me!
104. Do you miss anyone from your past? - Yes, many people
105. Ever been to a bonfire party? - Not yet!
106. Ever broken someone’s heart? - I don't know :/ I hope not
107. Have you ever been on a horse? - Yes
108. What should you be doing? - Sleeping
109. Is something irritating you right now? - My hunger
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? - Yes :(
111. Do you have trust issues? - Didn't you just ask me that?
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? - I don't remember
113. What was your childhood nickname? - I didn't have one, it was just my name 
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? - Yeah, plenty of times
115. Do you play the Wii? - Sometimes
116. Are you listening to music right now? - No
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? - As long as there's no chicken in it, yes
118. Do you like Chinese food? - Yeeeessssss
119. Favourite book? - The Old Man and the Sea by Hemingway
120. Are you afraid of the dark? - Yes!
121. Are you mean? - Kind of, if we're being honest here
122. Is cheating ever okay? - I don't think it's ever okay but there are situations where I understand why it's done
123. Can you keep white shoes clean? - Absolutely not
124. Do you believe in love at first sight? - No!
125. Do you believe in true love? - No
126. Are you currently bored? - No, I'm doing this!
127. What makes you happy? - Sunshine
128. Would you change your name? - I don't know, honestly
129. What your zodiac sign? - Aquarius :)
130. Do you like subway? - The food place? Nooooo
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? - If I like him, date him. If I don't like him, stop hanging out as much so he gets over me and we can go back to being friends
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? - So we're just recycling questions now huh
133. Favourite lyrics right now? - I'm too tired to think of any
134. Can you count to one million? - Probably? 
135. Dumbest lie you ever told? - All of them
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? - Closed
137. How tall are you? - 5'7"
138. Curly or Straight hair? - Which do I have or prefer? Curly for both
139. Brunette or Blonde? - Brunette
140. Summer or Winter? - Both
141. Night or Day? - Day
142. Favourite month? - February 
143. Are you a vegetarian? - Not yet, I'm trying to be fully vegan though!
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? - White!
145. Tea or Coffee? - I can't decide :/
146. Was today a good day? - Yeah!
147. Mars or Snickers? - Neither
148. What’s your favourite quote? - "Do you want the pain of growth or the pain of staying where you are?" or something like that
149. Do you believe in ghosts? - Not seriously, but I won't mess with them just in case
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line - Yeah no

Okay that's it for the questions! I hope you learned a little something about me and feel like you have a slightly better sense of who I am :)

Talk to you soon!

NYE

Monday, January 9, 2017

where does motivation really come from? + a mention of self-efficacy

They say that if you want something bad enough, you'll do anything for it. But is that necessarily true?

There are things that I have wanted so, so bad, since I was a child. Number one is to sing. I want to sing more than I want anything else. But I don't chase it like it's the cure for some life threatening disease I have or something. Isn't that what you're supposed to do? I still wonder why I'm not. I wonder if I actually want it bad enough. Isn't that want (or really, that need) for something supposed to be all the motivation you need to chase after it? I'm not so sure anymore.

I think that motivation to chase after your dreams is ignited and stoked by your want (or even need) to have them come true. However, I think the real power behind them comes from a belief in yourself that you can actually achieve them. My favorite psychologist, Albert Bandura, has this theory about self-efficacy, which is an individual's belief in their ability to do something. Bandura has found that self-efficacy determines what people actually achieve; if someone thinks they can do something, they can (and will). If they think they can't do it, they can't (and won't).

When it comes to me, my self-efficacy is pretty low. I don't really believe in myself. I believe in my talent, but I don't have enough confidence to sing in front of other people and I don't believe that I can actually make it in the music industry. I just don't believe it can happen. I dream about it all day, every day, but I'm not actually confident that I can. I think that's what's stopping me right now.

It might be what's stopping you, too.

What is your dream? Does your self-efficacy line up with it?

Talk to you soon!

NYE

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