Sunday, June 17, 2018

so...yeah.

Hey there!! I haven't posted in so long...my bad. Who else's bad would it be other than mine? Okay. Anyway.

I was really busy during my entire junior year of college, but I've made it through! A lot of things have happened for me in the last 16 months. Unfortunately, it's just way too much for me to catch you up in just one blog post. I wish I could but I'm lazy so...yeah. Here's a summary, though:

I modeled for the first time.
I ended some close friendships.
I went to a couple of concerts.
I went to Europe, and flew there all by myself (aka without my mom).
I got straight A's.
I started working.
I started an internship.
I got my own apartment.
I started a podcast.
I did a ton of other things that I can't remember to include in this list right now.

I've grown a lot in this time. I'm happier than I ever have been, and I feel so ready for the world and for the rest of my life! I'm really excited to be alive right now.

I have some plans for this summer. I started the podcast, I'm making some more YouTube videos, and I want to start selling jewelry! Starting the blog back up is in my plans as well, but I'm not sure what I want to do with it yet. I reverted a few of my posts to drafts but I may republish them in the future. I think this will just be another outlet for me. I imagine that it'll be similar to the podcast (which is called Say Bingo! You can listen to here - episode 1episode 2).

I was already planning to get back on here but I was inspired to do it now but a girl I met in middle school who is active on her own blog. I guess seeing her promote her blog reminded me of my plans to work on my own.

That's all I have for now! I'll be back soon.

Nye

Thursday, February 2, 2017

heyyyy

Hey y'all!

What's up? Long time, no type. I've been busy with school. I really want straight A's this semester! I'm doing my best. Well, I guess not. I should be reading right now...but I've been doing school stuff all day...so I'll cut myself some slack. Maybe cutting myself slack is the reason I haven't been getting straight A's? Okay, let's stop the self-analysis.

School is going well. I like all my classes. They're all pretty intense, though. I'm also in a peer education program thing that takes up a ton of time, too. I'm trying to find balance between school, the program, my fitness, friends, and my own personal needs. It's been kind of difficult.

The concert I went to last week was incredible! Best concert I've ever been too (even better than Beyonce, honestly)! My friend and I were super close to the stage, I got to touch 6lack, and The Weeknd was there! My hand was, like, 5 inches from his. Awesome. Loved it. And the venue was beautiful, it was in the middle of LA...ugh. Dreamy.

I love living so close to LA, but I rarely get to go. I think I need to expand my social circle so that I get to do more cool stuff, you know? I love my friends but I also love adventure and they aren't really into that right now, I think. I have enough flexibility to do that and they don't. They'd have to give up stuff that I don't have to think about for the sake of fun, and I understand that they don't want to do that. I'm totally okay with it. It just means I have to find more people to do things with.

Have any of you dealt with that? Being ready for something that nobody else around you is quite ready for? Please, let me know. I've always felt like I was on a slightly different path than those around me...and I know where I want to walk, but I want others to walk with me as well. I know I don't need others, but I want them. Maybe it's time for me to become comfortable with walking alone? You know what, I think it is.

Any of you have thoughts? Let me know.

Can't wait to talk to you again soon!

NYE

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

escuela!

Hi everyone!

I'm back at college. I just finished my second first day of the semester (yesterday was the first day of my MW classes, today was the first day of the TTH classes, ya dig?). Most of professors seem really great! There's one guy that I kind of can't understand anything he says but he seems nice enough and he cracked a few jokes. The others (with the exception of the professor for my online class, who I actually had last semester as well) were all really funny! I'm looking forward to it.

Tonight I'm going to a concert! It's for 6LACK and it's in West Hollywood! I'm super excited. I just hope I'll be able to wake up in time for class tomorrow....but guess what? You only live once! So I'm gonna go to this concert and have a good time and deal with the consequences later. You can't do that for everything, but I will for this!

Okay, I have to go and get ready! I'll let y'all know how it goes :)

TTYL! (ew who says that lol)

NYE

Monday, January 16, 2017

remember what i said about chasing dreams?

Sooo you may or may not know that I have some singing videos on YouTube. Well, now you know for sure! I'm trying to do that chasing dreams thing. I still get a bit nervous singing just to the camera because I know I'll be sharing it...but after a little bit I can relax. I'm hoping that the practice of pushing through the nerves this way will help me eventually (hopefully soon) sing in front of people.

I have this thing called #TeamOneTake where I just turn on the camera, sing once, and then upload, mistakes and all. But I hated my first take so much that I just deleted it and started over. So this is more like #TeamTwoTakes :)

I sang Cranes in the Sky by Solange. Super beautiful song...I hope you like it!


Monday, January 9, 2017

where does motivation really come from? + a mention of self-efficacy

They say that if you want something bad enough, you'll do anything for it. But is that necessarily true?

There are things that I have wanted so, so bad, since I was a child. Number one is to sing. I want to sing more than I want anything else. But I don't chase it like it's the cure for some life threatening disease I have or something. Isn't that what you're supposed to do? I still wonder why I'm not. I wonder if I actually want it bad enough. Isn't that want (or really, that need) for something supposed to be all the motivation you need to chase after it? I'm not so sure anymore.

I think that motivation to chase after your dreams is ignited and stoked by your want (or even need) to have them come true. However, I think the real power behind them comes from a belief in yourself that you can actually achieve them. My favorite psychologist, Albert Bandura, has this theory about self-efficacy, which is an individual's belief in their ability to do something. Bandura has found that self-efficacy determines what people actually achieve; if someone thinks they can do something, they can (and will). If they think they can't do it, they can't (and won't).

When it comes to me, my self-efficacy is pretty low. I don't really believe in myself. I believe in my talent, but I don't have enough confidence to sing in front of other people and I don't believe that I can actually make it in the music industry. I just don't believe it can happen. I dream about it all day, every day, but I'm not actually confident that I can. I think that's what's stopping me right now.

It might be what's stopping you, too.

What is your dream? Does your self-efficacy line up with it?

Talk to you soon!

NYE

Sunday, January 8, 2017

10 self love questions

Hey everyone!

I just stumbled across these 10 self-love-encouraging questions to ask yourself. I've reproduced them below.


  1. Will this choice propel me towards an inspiring future, or will it keep me stuck in the past?
  2. Will this choice bring me long-term fulfilment or short term gratification?
  3. Am I standing in my power or am I trying to please another?
  4. Am I looking for what’s right or am I looking for what’s wrong?
  5. Will this choice add to my life force or will it rob me of energy?
  6. Will I use this situation as a catalyst to grow and evolve, or will I use it to beat myself up?
  7. Does this choice empower or disempower me?
  8. Is this an act of self-love or self-sabotage?
  9. Is this is an act of faith (love) or fear?
  10. Am I choosing from my divinity or am I choosing from my humanity?

Consistently practicing self love is incredibly important if you want to lead a happy, fulfilling life. I believe that every choice you make should be a step toward your goals. I try to lead my life this way. It's way easier said than done and I fall off doing it often, but I always try and try again.

For whatever reason, I love to hurt myself and torture myself. I always do it without realizing it. I'll force myself to look at things I don't want to look at, read things that will hurt me, and think about and experiences that cause me a lot of pain. I think it started because I wanted to force myself to look at difficult things and try to learn from it and grow. However, I've learned that it's entirely possible that you can grow strong without forcing yourself through every difficult thing. Unfortunately, I'm still trying to break this habit of putting myself through awful things in an attempt to grow from them. I hope this little list of questions helps me with that. 

I hope the list helps you, too. Have you heard of this list before? What are some of the ways you practice self love?

Talk to you soon,

NYE

Friday, January 6, 2017

milk and honey + the get down + chasing ya dreams

Hey! It's 2:45 AM at the time I'm writing this. Pretty late, huh?

Have any of you heard of that book Milk and Honey? It's a poetry book I think. I keep hearing about it over and over again and seeing it pop up places. I guess I should give it a read, yeah? What do you think? Do you recommend it? From what I've seen of it, it seems especially relevant to twenty-somethings trying to navigate relationships while still navigating their own identities...is that in any way accurate?

On another note, have any of you watched The Get Down on Netflix? I just watched the first episode tonight and it was great! I loved it so much! It totally makes me wish I grew up in New York City in the 70's. The fashion, the music, the attitudes, the culture...I'd honestly love to experience a world before the internet and stuff. Don't get me wrong, I love technology and I feel blessed to be the first generation to grow up with it...but there's just something about the idea of a world where everything isn't at your fingertips, you know? Does anyone agree? No? Okay, on with The Get Down, then.

I highly, highly recommend it (although I'm only one episode in. I'm pretty confident it's gonna be great). Mylene's passion and determination to sing really inspired me, because I love to sing and it is my dream to sing one day and make music that affects people, that makes them feel something, that makes them think. I want to have an impact through my art, and The Get Down reminded me of how hard I need to work to make that happen.

It's scary though, you know? Putting yourself out there like that? I think for me, singing is incredibly intimate. I have to be totally comfortable to sing around someone. I can't sing at all if I'm nervous in any way; for some reason, the sound just can't come out right. That's why I've been putting my dreams off...but it's pretty ridiculous to put your dreams off if they're everything you've ever wanted, right? Singing means everything to me, so I have to do it now. I just have to find a way to push through that stage fright. I also have to figure out how I'm gonna break into the music scene and get noticed, but that's another story for another blog post.

Alright everyone. I'm going to sign off and finally go to sleep. I'll catch you later! Don't forget, my contact info is on my about page. Don't forget to subscribe below. Talk to ya soon!

NYE

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